The focus of my life has been on spiritual awakening, higher consciousness, and raising the vibration of the planet. I focus on my process and place within those areas of study and I write about those topics to share with others. I am absolutely fascinated by and in love with the way that changing our inner landscape opens us to a whole new reality.
I choose to place my focus on ways to create greater levels of inner peace and intuition. I do this because I believe that is the way that we give birth to innovative ideas that will change the world.
But then this happens. I get on the phone with a beloved family member or friend. We talk all about the things in their life. I listen to their struggles and triumphs. We connect over the ins and outs of their daily life. It’s wonderful… until that inevitable question comes…
So, Stef, what’s new with you?
I feel my solar plexus tighten, I get a lump in my throat, and my mind begins to race wildly. How do I answer that question? It’s such a simple question, and most people have a million things to rattle off about the ins and outs of their life. It’s not so straightforward for me.
Most of the time I answer, nothing. Nothing. I have nothing new to report to you. Nothing to share. This is normally followed by an awkward silence. The rhythm of the conversation has completely stalled. I have, once again, created a disconnection with my loved one because I don’t know how to answer that very simple question.
To avoid that disconnection there have been many times that I find something to complain about. I search for something, anything, to share or tell a story about. I have friendships that were built years ago by bonding over the injustices in the world. And so I revert to that. I do my best to bitch and moan, but it feels terrible. I’m happy. I’m alive. It didn’t actually bother me that I got a flat tire the other day, but I want to connect so I am focusing on things I would rather not.
The truth is that a lot is happening in my life, but it’s subtle, and it’s strange, and I’m afraid to share it. After someone tells you all about how much they hate their boss and they can’t find a date and life is so hard, how do you shift into the mode of sharing how magical your life is?
How on earth do you follow up a typical, mundane conversation with tales of your latest awakening?
So, Stef, what’s new with you?
Oh my goodness. You wouldn’t believe this meditation that I did this morning. Spider came to me and taught me how to spin thread by using my lower chakras. I think it provides a fascinating insight into the process of manifestation in the physical world.
Can you imagine? I can’t. So I say… nothing. My family and friends must think that I don’t do anything, think anything, or have anything in my life. Week after week. Month after month. Nothing. I don’t know what to say. If anything, the gap grows wider. I want to connect.
Somehow, my dedication to finding a connection with my inner-self has left me, at times, feeling a greater disconnection with the world around me. It is almost as though I feel embarrassed by the very truth of who I am. That doesn’t feel very awakened, does it?
Does this ever happen to you? Do you ever feel like you are stuck in the spiritual closet, so to speak?
I just finished narrating a book about a Muslim woman’s journey through the Bosnian War, ethnic cleansing, and hatred. She managed to stand in her truth when faced with armed soldiers while I step back when facing my beloveds. There is such a valuable lesson in that – a lesson about living with an open heart and trusting in your own connection with God regardless of what that connection looks like.
I think that her story is one that all of us need to hear and I commend her courage in writing it. We are not just Muslims, Spiritualists, Christians, and Buddhists – we are human beings. We are all made of the same love and light. There should be no shame, blame, fear, or embarrassment when we find our truth and connection to the divine. Nor should we be persecuted for our beliefs.
Just as I need to speak up about my authentic journey, we also need to speak up about the importance of loving those who appear different. Rather than jumping to fearful stereotypes, we have an opportunity to reach out and learn more about their point of view. We can respect our differences while celebrating our unity.