I have always believed that your primary relationship is the one you have with yourself. All of your others relationships are a reflection of some aspect of that primary relationship. In order to truly love or be loved you must first find self-love. In order to feel confident in your relationships you must first develop self-worth. The way we think about, talk to, and treat ourselves has an enormous impact on the quality of our lives and how we view the world.
Recently I have been thinking a lot about what A Course in Miracles refers to as special relationships and holy relationships. The simplest explanation is that a special relationship is one in which the ego is involved. In a special relationship there is always the ego’s agenda and some aspect of fear. In a holy relationship, you ask the Holy Spirit to step in so that you can view the relationship through His eyes, follow His guidance, and extend the miracle of love in the relationship. I got really excited about this idea and thought about all of my special relationships – with my family, my animals, my life. I was thinking about how I could make all of my interactions – the way I relate to everything – holy.
Then it hit me – your primary relationship is with yourself! Wait a minute! I could make a commitment to asking the Holy Spirit to step in and heal the relationship I have with myself. I could ask to see myself through His loving eyes rather than my judgmental ego. I could ask for help in releasing the grip of negative self-talk that plagues me. I could see myself as I truly am. I could see the Christ within me. Wow. What a blessing that would be.
Think about your relationship to your body, for example. You likely either cherish your body as a very important part of you or you despise it and want to change things about your body – maybe both. Either way, you likely have strong feelings about your body and identify with the body – its function and appearance – and feel that your body is you to some extent. You have a special relationship with your body. You are viewing your body through the eyes of ego. We all do.
If the Holy Spirit could help you heal that relationship, you would be able to develop a holy relationship with your body. It would no longer be good or bad. Through the eyes of the Holy Spirit you would be able to see that you are not your body. Your worth is not based on how it looks. Your power is not based on how it functions. In a holy relationship you would be able to see your body for what it really is – a tool to communicate and extend love.
Think about the relationship you have with yourself. There are many facets to this relationship including your very identity. Would you be willing to heal your primary relationship and let go of the specialness the ego has assigned to it? The more we can heal ourselves, the more that love, bliss, and peace can be reflected in our other relationships. This is how you can do your part to change the world.