I have been really thinking about how we can transform our lives by simply changing the focal point of our intention. Everything we set out to do is because we hope to feel a certain way as a result of doing it. We are always seeking to feel better and the doing is a strategy to meet our needs. If we are more deliberate in where we place our attention, then we can be more intentional in our actions.
Working off of the theory that our doing is ultimately driven by a desire to feel geed – or at least better than what we feel right now – take a look at your communication style. Communication is a form of doing something to interact with another and we do things as a strategy to meet our needs. Therefore, when you communicate, you are on some level hoping to gain a certain end result to feel better.
Without an awareness that communication starts with intention, you launch into conversation and interactions that end up leading down a path that is undesirable. For example, if you are not feeling heard and understood, then it is easy to become short with your words and create tension in your communication. That tension then takes you further from the feelings that you seek. You end up in an argument because you are fighting to have your needs met. Demanding to be heard is one strategy, but it likely doesn’t feel as good as using connection to meet your needs.
On the other hand, if you go into the conversation deliberately and intentionally, then you have a better chance of steering the conversation in a direction that results in you feeling better rather than worse. When things start to heat up, you can focus your intention on what you most want instead of getting caught up in the moment. We get caught up in the moment when we lose our present moment awareness. As our focused attention drifts so does our power to focus our intention.
Every argument or disagreement starts with a desire from both parties to feel good. Without being aware of the underlying intention, and therefore powerless to wield it deliberately, the conversation needlessly ends with hurt feelings. Can we learn to shine the light of deliberate intention onto our conversations? Can we become more aware of our feelings and needs in the moment to steer the interaction toward the desired destination? I think so. Are you with me?
All change requires an awareness of the issue in the moment. Start working on communicating with deliberate intention by becoming aware of your conversations and your motivation to communicate. What are you actually feeling? What needs are you hoping to have met? From there you will be better able to direct the conversation to meet your needs and feel better as a result.